So lately I have decided to take a lengthy and complete tour of all the hospitals within a 250 mile radius from my home. And I plan to do this as a patient to, you know, get a real feel as to the quality of patient care and facility efficiency.
I know, HOW FUN RIGHT?
Its been a real bag of chuckles and fun.
So obviously I am being painfully humorous and sarcastic as a way to somehow make you not feel sorry for me. Haha. Because even I want to throw a pity party for myself. Like a really big pity party. I will invite everyone I know and even peeps I don't know. Like all my Facebook "friends" too. Everyone come! Don't forget the Whine and cheese!
Sincerely, Negative Nancy.
Okay, we got that over with. Now with the medical and life update for my family and friends that so sweetly express concern and follow my ever winding medical story. The ups and downs are surely making even you get a little motion sick. But you have been so dedicated to my family and I. You have continued to pray for me and love me...even though I am so undeserving and at times, ungrateful.
But I assure you, each of you mean so much to me and I continue to pray for all of you and your struggles and fears. Because we all have them. None of us are immune, unfortunately.
It seems I have drawn one of the shorter straws when it comes to health this year (not THE shortest, but pretty short-ish).
Geeeez you guys. I cannot pretend that I am not frustrated and at times really sad. I am in the hospital again as I write this and I have been SO much this year. For so many different reasons. I have been in and out of the hospital for weeks at a time - pretty much consistently since last spring.
I have missed every holiday, birthday, and everything fun this year. I live in a hospital bed and my friends come in the form of nurses, doctors, and my very dedicated family. I am grateful for good care and that I am still here. I really am. But guys..I want to LIVE. Really live.
You see, when you spend copious amounts of time in hospitals, you have time to dream up big dreams and write down goals and lists of fun things you want to do "once we get past this hurdle". But the hurdles keep coming and the hospital stays never stop.
I want to drive my car again, to go to the grocery store and shop for myself, go visit friends, get a coffee and read a good book (not while in a hospital bed), be present at friends' birthdays and fun life events, I want to go out to eat!!, I want to take my bike and ride in parks again, run again, use the degree I worked so hard for..I want to work! Yes, I dream for these small things. I dream for the "normal" life stuff.
I know we all have struggles. And at times, this is comforting but mostly it just breaks my heart. I don't want anyone to struggle and suffer like me. If it were just me that had heartbreaking setbacks, fears, and dreams unmet…I could take it. Its just knowing your heart is breaking too…that breaks mine even more.
But I do believe that our God is bigger than these hospital walls, bigger than financial burdens, bigger than life lost, illness, relationship stresses and all human suffering.
He has given me dreams bigger than this life and a heart that cares for others. I know He hears me and has not forgotten me. But most days, I feel forgotten.
So I am humbly asking, if you pray, please pray for my spirit. Its pretty downtrodden.
A prayer for you and me…God please continue to give us strength and that our faith will not falter on these tough days. I know we all live with fears and heartbreaks of our own. Whether big or small, suffering is suffering.
I cannot hold it together without faith and the precious people God has put in my life. I am so grateful for those people, especially on days like today. They help me remember that God has not forgotten me and never will.
living abundantly,
Dana
