kids these days.

Kids these days. I mean, am I right or am I right? 

I'm considering teaching an unofficially, official class on how to not completely ruin your grandmother's opinion of her darling grandchild and oh yeah...how to not completely ruin your chances of getting a big boy/girl job one day. 

Chapter 1 of reading material for aforementioned class:

Social media as a Feelings Journal. 

Do not post your real feelings on Facebook. It is not a journal. Thats what they make JOURNALS for. GASP. WHAT?

Yes, actual paper and pen required. 

I know, I know. I'm old school. What can I say, I can always burn my feelings that I write down because they are definitely not in a 'cloud' or on a 'wall'. They are hidden in actual boxes (journals, y'all.). I can burn them quickly, if needed. Also, someone can find them when I am dead and gone and then I will be discovered for the real genius that I am.

I'm kidding.

Sort of. But only about the genius part. I am not kidding about Facebook and Twitter should not be used as your outlet for feelings. Your grandma probably doesn't want to know about your feelings on Doritos and Justin Bieber at 4am. Guess what, your future possible employers don't want to either. And they are judging you. And moving on to the next applicant. Just sayin'. 

Chapter 2: 

Pictures and "selfies":

Oh pictures. Why does nobody understand that snapchat is not so snappy and your photos and videos that you post online for all of your "friends" to see, your future possible employers to see and oh yeah, your grandma are sorta permanent and accessible to everyone. And by 'sorta' permanent and accessible, I mean completely permanent and accessible. Like really. I am not a conspiracy theorist, I am just dropping some knowledge. 

So selfies with half of your clothes off? Not for grandma. 

Pictures of you doing illegal things? Not good for job resumes. 

If you really must put some of your feelings on the interwebs, start a blog or something people only have themselves to blame for clicking on it to read your feelings or thoughts.

 But first, write it down in a journal, like paper and pencil. Then, take the time to type it up. Then edit it. THEN sleep on it. THEN think about if your grandma needs to read it. THEN think about if you ever want to apply for a job in the future. 

Like, ever. 

Then you can press publish. If you want. 

That is all. 

This has been a public service announcement provided by your old curmudgeon/nerdy friend, Dana. 

Because obviously, I only use selfies for important reasons. Like alerting my friends I forgot my makeup. Wisdom comes with age my friends. 

living abundantly,

dana 

interrogation tactics

I was one of those inquisitive kids. You know the ones. The ones that simply cannot and will not be satisfied with a simple answer to any question. Like, any question. 

Likely Scenario A:

Me: "But Mooommmmm, WHY do we have to eat vegetables?" 

Mom: "Because they are good for you." 

Me: "But WHY are they good for you?"

Mom: "Because they have healthy vitamins and they help your body work its best."

Me: "But.... WHY vegetables? Why not candy?"

Likely Scenario B: 

Me: "Dad, WHY do I have to do math if I don't like it?" 

Dad: "Because you might need it one day"

Me: "But why? I won't need math because I will have a job without math."

Dad: "Math is a part of every day life and you need to understand it."

Me: "But...Why? I don't see you or mom doing long division problems..."

It really is amazing that my parents still have their sanity. 

To be completely honest, I never grew out of this "inquisitive stage". It's more like a state of being for me. Satus quo. I like to know anything and everything about anyone and everything. I just can't help but ask questions; I want more details. I lovingly refer to these as my interrogation tactics. It's just my way of getting to know people. You know, a marketable social skill. 

Sorta like this....

"Where were you born?"

"Why is your hair straight?"

"Who is your mom's mom?"

"What is your view on recycling? Good thing? Bad thing? Waste of time? Neutral?" 

"What did you eat for a snack 2 weeks ago...?"

Yeah. I'm serious. 

I just. like. to. know. every. thing. 

So imagine my frustration when I get to a point in life where I start to "question it all". And I start to search out the answers to life. Because in my naivety I assume that I, Dana Whitfield, will find the answers. I know how to ask the questions! Interview and interrogate with persistence! 

Fear not humanity, Dana will find the answers. 

Um. No. 

Instead of answers, I found more questions. 

Despite my dear, dear love for questions, this did not please me. Questions as answers to questions....not cool. Not cool. 

Questions and questions upon questions...

 'Why is there so much pain? Why am I sick? Why are there children hurting? What is the point? What is the learning experience? How should I be doing this life thing better? What should my next exact step in life be?' 

And the question I find myself asking the most...

Why suffering? Why suffering? WHY SUFFERING? 

Seriously though, why? 

I have read plenty of books on the subject and I know the "answers" to this. There are no "answers"....no answer sheet that I can check for accuracy. (besides the Bible but even there...not always concrete)

 Holy frustrating, Batman! 

Enter faith. 

Faith. Hm. Interesting. 

Faith is believing and trusting in things unseen. Trusting God. Trusting that God does in fact have a master plan that somehow makes this fallen world and the terrible things that happen in it have a purpose. 

Faith and trust on this level are actions. Verbs. Consciously choosing faith in God and the people he created. It is something we choose to do each day. Or not to do each day. 

Here is something that you may or may not know about me, this part of the whole 'Christian equation' is not easy for me. I constantly struggle in making this daily choice of trust.

 I question everything, I ask why, and I am not satisfied. I am never content with knowing that some things just aren't to be known. Ever. It is a restlessness that is ever present. As you can imagine, I am not incredibly proud of this personal characteristic. But it just is. It isn't easy for me. Faith is never easy for me. 

I try to channel this inquisitive trait. Hoping and praying that God gave me this spirit of knowledge seeking and that He welcomes my "interrogations". I never stop searching and seeking and I believe it draws me closer to God and my faith. Most days. 

But on tough days like today, I struggle with not knowing why. Why suffering? Why?

I just don't know. No actual clue or reference that points to physical evidence.

What I do know-(ish) is this:

 Suffering never relents, takes no prisoners and is never biased in choosing its victims. Suffering is universal and occurs everywhere.

I know, know that God never relents and never fails. I trust that He is, therefore I trust that He will be. If He is foolproof, then so is His plan. 

Gotta hold on to that. 

living abundantly,

Dana 

smell ya later 2014

Today I was reading an old blog post from last January. Because naturally, on the first day of the year 2015, I was feeling all reminiscent.

 It was more or less hard to read because 2014 didn't deliver on some of the ways I hoped it would. I still struggle with some of the same things and my health status hasn't improved at all. 

But then again, in some ways, it was the best year yet! (I'm actually serious)

I'm pretty sure in 2014, I had more hospital stays than any other year. BUT I also had the longest stretch (from about March to July) of relatively good health....the best I have had in awhile. I lived life as a sorta "normal" human person and it was great. Not being defined by being sick or being known for being sick was really freeing and different for me. Each day not being in the hospital or being held back by my physical body was such a blessing that I can't really describe. 

But that wasn't the only good part of 2014 and it definitely wasn't this "perfect" time that held no struggles just because I felt less "sick". I am incredibly grateful for that time but I also don't want to paint an inaccurate picture or insinuate that if you are healthy, life is dandy. 

Anywho.

In 2014,  I met amazing new people that I am grateful for and can't imagine life without now. God was and always is, so faithful and good to me in this department. He places people in my life that are wonderful to me and change my perspective on all kinds of things. I also have really funny friends. So that is a plus. 

 I discovered new things about older friendships too. We went through tough life things and adjusted to new phases of life that change friendships and test their strength. Not easy, but I believe these tests are teaching me to be a better human and a better friend. I hope so, at least. 

This year I also had the gift of watching my nieces continue to grow into these precious little people with personalities and amazing little hearts. They are both so completely different but so incredible and hilarious. I hope they always know how special they are to me. 

I learned some intense lessons about the reality of life and some not-so-pretty things about myself and my human nature. There were transitions that I did not expect to have to ever make. I had to accept parts of my illness that do affect my every-day life yet also refuse to give in to letting it take over every part of me. I am learning about how to keep this balance every second, of every day. Work in progress. 

I am hoping 2015 brings better health and less stays in a hospital. However, most likely that will always be a part of my life in some way. Not being a Negative Nancy, just a Realistic Rachel. And I am okay with that. Most days. 

I know God has equipped me for this war, even if on most days I feel like I am losing every battle. 2015 will be a year with highs and lows, like every year. It won't be perfect but it will be a journey with a lot of beauty, blessings, tears, laughter, troubles, and triumph. Looking forward, not back and expecting a new, exciting and interesting year. Smell ya later, 2014.

Here we come 2015, ready or not! 

living abundantly, 

dana