It's a long story

It's been awhile. I hope you all know I appreciate all of the support you have all given me over the years on my blog and also just in general with your prayers and love for my family and I. It keeps me going. Forreal. Some of you have asked for updates on my health and my life....here goes! 

So, what's been up with me lately? It's a long story. But if you bare with me, I am going to try and tell this long story of mine. A summarized version of course. 

We will pick up about a year ago, when things were going well and I thought I was on the road to a more "normal" existence. As you all know (or if you don't, check out my story link), none of my illnesses have a "cure" per say. So I am in it for the long haul. However, I keep hoping with all hope that the dramatic health scares, hospital stays and setbacks will slow down so I can just live this life of normalcy I have dreamed up in my mind. Well I was thinking this would have been the year. Not so much but it's okay. Really, its okay. 

Anywho. Last summer I started to have some significant pain again but I tried and failed at pretending it wasn't happening and that it would go away. Not a really good coping strategy but hey, I'm not perfect. That pretending and dealing with daily pain lasted until about September when my body had had enough. The ole bod staged a resistance and I was admitted into the hospital, once again. 

As you may remember, after my total pancreatectomy and islet cell transplant surgery, I have had many complications. One of those being ischemic ulcers. Google it if you want the nitty gritty but basically it is very painful necrotic tissue death (ulcerations) around internal surgery sites. My ischemic ulcers did not respond to any treatment the doctors tried. I was in 2 different hospitals for over a month, very medicated and very hopeless. 

Long story short, I ended up needing another big surgery to repair and remove this ongoing problem. This surgery would be taking place at another hospital, this one 3 hours from our home. The surgeon who did my original surgeries would be performing this one because she would be "revising" pretty much my entire digestive system. 

The hard part was is there was no guarantee that this surgery would even help. It was just my last hope. Not to mention, I have had multiple surgeries...making each one more dangerous and difficult to recover from. I hesitated, I cried, I got angry but in the end I had no choice. I had to put my life at risk to save any hope for quality of life. 

The week after Thanksgiving 2016 I was readmitted to the hospital and preparations for the next big surgery began. I was terrified this time. I had literally never had a major surgery without very serious, life-threatening complications. 

I had the surgery that next week and afterwards it was the most pain I think I have ever been in. And I have felt pain before. I did not suffer any life-threatening complications right after surgery like in the past. Thank you, Jesus. 

However, I did have great difficulty recovering and remained in the hospital for about a month. I had several setbacks but was hoping to be out by Christmas. My hope was realized when I was discharged on the 23rd of December. Once I got home, I got sick right away (on Christmas Eve) and had to be taken to the ER by ambulance. There they decided I was too critical to be at the local hospital and transferred me back to the larger hospital, 3 hours away. I spent Christmas in the hospital with my mom and our family of nurses. It was so hard to be away from my family on a day we cherish celebrating together. But I was grateful to be where I needed to be in order to get better. Thankfully I was released soon after, once we had treated the scary infection. I could tough the rest out at home. I was so thrilled to be going home again. 

Little did I know, the recovery at home would be 10 times harder than anything I had been through. Yes, the physical pain and recovery was almost more than I could bare but the mental battle that felt more like an all out war was where the real trouble set in. 

I will spare you most of the boring details but I spent about 4 months trying to recover from this surgery. There were a lot of hurdles to jump during that time, one of them being extreme malabsorption causing malnutrition. Every single one of my life-giving vitamin levels were extremely deficient. I could not get out of bed, my hair started falling out, I was so pale I was almost see-thru, I was so weak that I coudn't even pick up my phone and so many other fun symptoms. Oh and I also broke my knee because my bones were so weak, when I fell down one time (not hard) it just cracked. My doctor said I was literally starving to death, even though I was eating. 

I had just had it. I was exhausted physically and in pain and I was struggling to find the will to fight any longer. The mental battle was just something I couldn't imagine fighting anymore. 

Thank the Lord for my amazing doctors (one of them being Dr. Eli Penn, he's my hero) who figured out that I needed a different level of enzymes to help absorb nutrients from my food. I was given nutritional supports, infusions and an alarming number of vitamin supplements. It took about a month but I finally started feeling like a human again. 

Truly, I can not put into words how amazing, beautiful, glorious, terrific and all the good it is to be feeling like an actual human. Being able to get out of bed, go do things on my own again, work again, play with my dogs again, spend time with my family and friends again, go to the store again...is something I am so grateful for I could cry happy tears. In fact, I have. 

Yesterday, I cried happy tears as I got good reports and high-fives from my doctors. My levels are back within normal range, my A1C is within normal range and I am no longer in pain. Only because of God and his constant faithfulness and goodness. 

Now don't be fooled, I have to work for this "normal". Medications, supplements, routines, exercise, doctor's appointments and strict diet....but at least I am given the opportunity to work for a good day. My days don't look like everyone else's but I am just so dang happy to be living a life. 

I will most likely have setbacks to come and some tough days but I am okay with that. I am intentionally grateful for this moment, for this day. With God, I can handle what is to come. We always do. 

I know this update has been long-winded but there was much to share. And this is the short version! Hopefully, I will get to updating more often. Again, I am so grateful for each of you and how much you have loved me through this past year and every year. You make the path worth walking. 

living abundantly,

Dana