interrogation tactics

I was one of those inquisitive kids. You know the ones. The ones that simply cannot and will not be satisfied with a simple answer to any question. Like, any question. 

Likely Scenario A:

Me: "But Mooommmmm, WHY do we have to eat vegetables?" 

Mom: "Because they are good for you." 

Me: "But WHY are they good for you?"

Mom: "Because they have healthy vitamins and they help your body work its best."

Me: "But.... WHY vegetables? Why not candy?"

Likely Scenario B: 

Me: "Dad, WHY do I have to do math if I don't like it?" 

Dad: "Because you might need it one day"

Me: "But why? I won't need math because I will have a job without math."

Dad: "Math is a part of every day life and you need to understand it."

Me: "But...Why? I don't see you or mom doing long division problems..."

It really is amazing that my parents still have their sanity. 

To be completely honest, I never grew out of this "inquisitive stage". It's more like a state of being for me. Satus quo. I like to know anything and everything about anyone and everything. I just can't help but ask questions; I want more details. I lovingly refer to these as my interrogation tactics. It's just my way of getting to know people. You know, a marketable social skill. 

Sorta like this....

"Where were you born?"

"Why is your hair straight?"

"Who is your mom's mom?"

"What is your view on recycling? Good thing? Bad thing? Waste of time? Neutral?" 

"What did you eat for a snack 2 weeks ago...?"

Yeah. I'm serious. 

I just. like. to. know. every. thing. 

So imagine my frustration when I get to a point in life where I start to "question it all". And I start to search out the answers to life. Because in my naivety I assume that I, Dana Whitfield, will find the answers. I know how to ask the questions! Interview and interrogate with persistence! 

Fear not humanity, Dana will find the answers. 

Um. No. 

Instead of answers, I found more questions. 

Despite my dear, dear love for questions, this did not please me. Questions as answers to questions....not cool. Not cool. 

Questions and questions upon questions...

 'Why is there so much pain? Why am I sick? Why are there children hurting? What is the point? What is the learning experience? How should I be doing this life thing better? What should my next exact step in life be?' 

And the question I find myself asking the most...

Why suffering? Why suffering? WHY SUFFERING? 

Seriously though, why? 

I have read plenty of books on the subject and I know the "answers" to this. There are no "answers"....no answer sheet that I can check for accuracy. (besides the Bible but even there...not always concrete)

 Holy frustrating, Batman! 

Enter faith. 

Faith. Hm. Interesting. 

Faith is believing and trusting in things unseen. Trusting God. Trusting that God does in fact have a master plan that somehow makes this fallen world and the terrible things that happen in it have a purpose. 

Faith and trust on this level are actions. Verbs. Consciously choosing faith in God and the people he created. It is something we choose to do each day. Or not to do each day. 

Here is something that you may or may not know about me, this part of the whole 'Christian equation' is not easy for me. I constantly struggle in making this daily choice of trust.

 I question everything, I ask why, and I am not satisfied. I am never content with knowing that some things just aren't to be known. Ever. It is a restlessness that is ever present. As you can imagine, I am not incredibly proud of this personal characteristic. But it just is. It isn't easy for me. Faith is never easy for me. 

I try to channel this inquisitive trait. Hoping and praying that God gave me this spirit of knowledge seeking and that He welcomes my "interrogations". I never stop searching and seeking and I believe it draws me closer to God and my faith. Most days. 

But on tough days like today, I struggle with not knowing why. Why suffering? Why?

I just don't know. No actual clue or reference that points to physical evidence.

What I do know-(ish) is this:

 Suffering never relents, takes no prisoners and is never biased in choosing its victims. Suffering is universal and occurs everywhere.

I know, know that God never relents and never fails. I trust that He is, therefore I trust that He will be. If He is foolproof, then so is His plan. 

Gotta hold on to that. 

living abundantly,

Dana